Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
