i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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