For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
