I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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