Your dad touched me again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
