come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
