Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
