we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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