Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
