Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
