That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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