the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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