It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
