My boss' voice literally gives me gas
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
