Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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