I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
