wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
