FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
