Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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