First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize