Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
