And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
