rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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