Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
