White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
