her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
