You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
