We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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