Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
