then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
