i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
