he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
