I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
