I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
