ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have fence marks all over my body
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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