I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
