Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You need Xanax blowdarts
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
