I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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