Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
