he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
