we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
