Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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