I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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