I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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