Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
