I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
