none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
