get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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