Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
