last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
