I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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