Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We need a shit load of segways right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
