I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
