You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
