I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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