do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
