Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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