Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My balls are so social today.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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