I'm eating all of the evidence.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
