you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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