WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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