turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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