So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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