so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
