Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
