I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is wine microwaveable?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
