I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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