i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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