Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
